Monday Morning Ramblings

I have been thinking lately, and when I say lately I mean literally the last few years of my life, about the detox - retox, about the balance or lack thereof, about how much longer I can keep it up, about how many more promises I can make and break to myself and why I am making them? About the change that is apparently literally around the corner, about what it is that has to shift for me to finally take some action or whether its nothing? Then of course there is the other side the fact that we all live in the now, from our facebook updates, our twitters - what are we doing now? right now? and then I think is it me that doesn’t live in the now - are my whole generation moment people? Then I talk to my friends and remember their lives are exactly the same or certainly extremely similar!

I think its maybe that we all party way too hard, that we are all extremists and we want to throw ourselves at everything so hard its impossible to sustain any of it. I speak to my friends who are all hopeless romantics in their way and we talk of how we long for pajama parties and girl time, how we long to dance, how we long for long walks and dinner parties and  I think of how every conversation is filled with longing of what we are not doing… Is it finance? I know trying to sustain any sort of lifestyle financially in this crazy city is pretty impossible. I know we are all living with too much month at the end of our money and surviving is what we are trying to do - dreaming of taxi budgets and weekly blow dries. But if we are all longing for something else, for another time - thats not very now, is it?

I know my parents always say we want everything now… in their day, your first house you lived with orange boxes for months and did one room at a time. Not us lot, we want it to look like a magazine within a week! Speaking of which is it magazines, is it the consumerism we all live in that makes us have this huge dissatisfaction?? Or closer maybe just longing for something else.

I was talking to my friend the other day about the longing and saying I long to not long for anything, for the voices to stop… To just be somewhere and be in it 100%. To enjoy every moment - surely thats the healthiest state we can be? To savor every mouthful of life, love, food, to remember it with a smile… I was reading an interview with Emma Thompson the other day, in which she was describing eating a boiled egg with a crisp as the solider! She wrote about how she was 7 and she was sitting on a wall with her sister and she had a boiled egg and a packet of salt and vinegar crisps, she said they were the kind of crisps you could see through not like the horrible thick ones we get now! She said she dunked the crisp into the runny yolk and she remembers every mouthful. I was telling a good friend the story and he told me he had one of his favourite mouthfuls of food recently when he went away with his fiance.

I tried to remember the last time I had a bit of food and savored it? Not worried about whether or not I should be eating it and what I am going to have to eat or nto eat tomorrow to make up for it. I couldn’t think of one!

So when people say we are the now generation, how do we make that in the positive sense? Meaning that we live for now, rather than we want everything now?

I guess here is another week ahead of us and lets hope its the one we have all longed for!!!!!!