Monday Morning Ramblings

I went to see The Rolling Stones with one of my best friends, on the closing night of their world tour (How name dropping did that sound?? Sorry, it is only meant as context, I promise!!). Anyway, we were sitting there and he asked me: “What is it about Mick Jagger? How is he one of the sexiest men in the world?” I thought about it for a while, as I watched him dance on stage, if you can call it dancing! I then answered: “Surely there is nothing sexier or for that matter more beautiful, than watching someone do, what they were born to do”

One of my closest friends has been away for the last few months; I have had the fortune of joining him, for a number of weeks along the way. He landed in London yesterday, home, as it was known to him a few months ago. At his leaving party, I watched him, as a man I adore, ready to find his adventure, his journey and I guess, he wouldn’t mind me saying, maybe his peace. Last week when I came to join him in San Francisco for a few days, with other friends of ours, I watched him, as a man I adore, having found it. The beauty of watching someone you love find their ‘mojo’ for want of a better expression is truly a humbling honour.
I have spent many years wondering what it is I am supposed to do. I always believed somehow, I would find it or it would find me. I met an amazing man when I was in San Francisco; we talked about this blog post that I was writing. He didn’t agree with my words, that you find what you are born to do, he believes that you make the most of what you have. After much thought, I wonder how our different our sentiments actually are?
The last few months of my life, maybe it was turning 30, I have thought of nothing else, than what it is that I am supposed to do. What is it, I was born to do and how far away am I from doing it? The last ten days, I have sat writing and re writing this blog post. Tonight, as I lay in bed too exhausted to do the work I am supposed to do I can think of little else. New chapters are opening constantly, the immediacy of pressures are getting more immediate and challenges are being thrown at me, left right and centre.
This weekend the world and his dog stayed at my flat and this weekend more than ever I craved space. One of my closest friends and the reason for so much in my life that’s good, Richard said to me yesterday “It’s so lovely to see you like this, to see you so good” I was so confused by this, I asked another friend what they thought was meant by it, when I think I am not doing so good and my friend said “You are being real”
Maybe it is that simple, maybe what’s beautiful to watch is simply someone being themselves. Maybe what I have been trying to figure out for so long is that.
And maybe just maybe being myself is finding out what I am good at…..