Monday Morning Ramblings

I am home, in every possible sense of the words… I have been away for quite some time now as you know. I finished off my travels having the most incredible time in Spain. Barcelona was probably the most amazing weekend of all time, I have never had a happier Saturday than the one Nics and I spent on Barcelona beach. Then being back with Paul where it all started and seeing my Rob was exactly what the heart doctor ordered. But finally on the 1st July it was time to come home.

I have been on the most incredible journey of my life, the last four months have been the finale of the last 5 years and I can honestly say I am finally home. I lost myself in searching so hard to find myself and now I finally see the girl I have been searching for for so long.

It is the little things that make you realise your home, the smiles that you can literally feel, the ability to say no and not worry about the consequences, the disappearance of the paranoia, the end of the long standing relationship of responsibility for everyone, the ability to prioritize without guilt, the ability to love without condition and the spring in your step that you remember from skipping, when you held your dads hand as a little girl. It is literally amazing, the feeling you have longed for suddenly arriving.

The weekend just gone I spent in constant surprise with constant grinning… as for that matter did the people I spent my weekend with. Kevin who I hadn’t seen for months came for lunch and then the Nicky girl arrived all very unexpectedly, it was goodbye detox and hello vodka! There was a party at Smithy, Tewy and Boardys house and before we knew it thats where we were jumping around. I chatted a lot to people I didn’t know, that knew me through friends stories - isn’t that the best introduction we can ask for? Someone telling us they have heard so much about us and how important we are to someone we think so much of, a little gift perfectly wrapped. It was an incredibly party and as Tewy quite rightly said - if Carlsberg did parties they would have nothing on Berwickstock!!!! So Nics, Kevin and I headed home and Eds came to join us - it was our kind of night, musicals, The Carpenters, Barbra Streisand, mixed in with Old School R&B, House, Techno and then the odd Disco number to boot. We talked, we danced, we laughed and my friends told me they recognised me. Three of the people closest to me in the world told me I had become what they had wanted for me and I, I am still reeling from that, because I know what they mean.

I have missed my friends so much, but I know they have understood the journey that I had to go on and I know that they are ready, waiting and proud. I have a number of people yet to see and yet to say hello to and god how I have missed them, I literally long to see Sarah again, to laugh with her, to see all her expressions I have missed, I can’t wait to see Rachel who is now pregnant and having another baby boy, Rene who I have missed too much for words, Emma I am on my way…. I wont go on as no one needs to read a list of the people, but you get my meaning.

I cant tell you what changed, what clicked, what the secret was that made the journey complete - or at least this chapter of it. All I can tell you is I am home and it feels great.